OK, so the first answer is no, I don't know when the next show will be, but there will be one.  I promise.  At least there better be, because I'm getting pretty fahking bored sitting on my arse and playing along to records that came out in 1992 ... yes, I said records.  Whatever.
 
Last night was 8 Bud Lights and "Shame" by Brad.  All songs highly recommended, but if I had to give you some direction, I'd tell you to listen to Nadine,  20th Century, or Raise Love.  Who is Brad?  Well, the guitar player is in Pearl Jam and the singer was in a bunch of other bands, most successful was probably Pigeonhed who had a hit with "Battle Flag" when it was remixed by the Lo Fidelity All Stars.  Not that anybody cares, but I'm letting you inside people ... yes, I'm letting you deep inside of me ... hey now.  Seriously, I drank too many beers last week and was playing along to "Slippery When Wet" for pete's sake!  I gotta get out of the house people!
 
Yeah, I'll hear the cracks that I'm stuck in the 90s, but hey, wasn't so bad back then.  Plus name me anything good that came out this past year - Black Keys?  Meh ... Adele, the chunky British chick who's kind of hot in a chunky British chick way but only sings about getting stiffed by dudes?  Meh ... Korn's techno record?  Please ... Cage the Elephant?  Nope ... That new Foo Fighters record was good but it doesn't count because it's pretty much a 90s release ... I got nothing ... help a brother out people, and don't tell me to check out some obscure dude from Sepultura band because I can't keep track of that stuff ...
 
OK, all is well at Clutch Grabwell Industries, as far as I know.  We're all pretty busy with work, travelling and life stuff in general, but we'll be pulling somethings together.  I know there's already some dates in the Spring and we're looking to pull together some stuff in the near term.  Hey, I'll play anywhere as long as it isn't in Central Square with 17 other bands on the bill on a fahking Tuesday night, OK?  Other than that, I don't give a shit.
 
So stay tuned, got it?  And go to that facebook thing to and jump on there.  Our pal Adam keeps that stuff nice and tight.  You guys can pal around and tell me what a loser I am because I haven't booked a Thursday night at the DAV in Braintree ... just kidding, you wouldn't do that ...
 
All right, I'm out for the moment.  Stay tuned, Facebook and that's all ...
 
JC
XOXO
 
 

Sorry for the excessive use of exclamation points, but this is important! And exciting!!! See, our pal and saxamaphone man John VanderHalen is opening up the show with his other band SUN JONES. I’ve never seen them live but I’ma drink some cold frosty Bud Lights and checkacheckacheck it out. You should, too. Gonna be sweet …
 
The other thing that’s important is that you guys NEED this show – those of you who’ve been reading this for awhile know where I’m going … Thanksgiving with the family. Here we go … you’ve gotta spend 24-48 hours with parents, in-laws, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc – basically people you don’t see that often because frankly, they’re a pain in the ass. Now, personally, I’m lucky because I’ve got Marko, my sister and my mom to hang with and they’re relatively cool, EXCEPT for one thing … Nostalgia. No, I don’t mean the ‘80s/’90s version of the Beachcomber in Quincy where Jim Plunkett and Cattunes ruled the roost, I mean the whole “hey, it’s Thanksgiving, let’s talk about all the times Jeff fahked up when he was a kid”. Sweet. See, contrary to what either of them will tell you, my brother and sister did a tremendously poor job of lowering my parents expectations of acceptable behavior and I payed the price. In hindsight, thank God all Mark did was work and play guitar or I wouldn’t have an audience to spew my inane drivel, nor would I have ever gotten the chance to perform with musicians of a caliber I could never hope to attain. But that’s boring to talk about. Instead, we’ll talk about the house party that got a little out of control when everybody else got to go to Florida for cousin Tim’s wedding. Sure, there were people there I didn’t know, and it was a little weird when the neighbor down the street showed up with some slob he met at Well’s Grille to tell me his mom was pissed about the noise, and it’s possible someone borrowed some tools to go steal parts of a car a few blocks away, and maybe I skirted a date with the paddy wagon because I luckily knew the cop from my job at the fish store around the corner, but the good news is that all the guys rippin’ j-birds on the back porch scattered when the cops showed up. I didn’t know them anyways … in the end, the only reason I was found out was because the garbage man didn’t take the Busch box with the rest of the garbage I put out and THAT’S why they don’t get a tip at Christmas. Pricks. Then I’m sure we’ll move on to my trailblazing Occupy movement … as in occupying couches and cars as I was sans casa for a period – not my fault that I didn’t make it home a couple of times in one week. First was because I had to hoof it home from the Soundgarden/Danzig/Corrosion of Conformity show, and the second was because of LA Guns/London Choirboys. Now, if you want to give me sh#t about the first show, you’re outta your mind. Awesome. Original lineups of “Louder Than Love” Soundgarden coupled with “Danzig II: Lucifuge” Danzig. As for the second show, before you judge, one should know two things: 1 – Tracii Guns was a pretty good guitar player, and 2 – there was a hot chick involved. Luckily said hot chick let me sleep in her car, and now she has all my money. I’m just sayin’ … Enough stories! I know I’m not alone in this stuff, so you better plan on getting out on Saturday because you’re gonna need some cold drinks with alcohol in them and some big, chunky ROCK to go along with it. We are your therapy, and we’re happy to do it. Bring us your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free and wash away the Thanksgiving smell of shame and desperation … or something like that, you get the point. (Editor’s note: credit should be given to “The New Collosus” by Emma Lazarus) I’m listening to my iPod as I write this and “Because” by the Beatles has just been followed up by “My Way” by Limp Bizkit. I think I’m starting to figure out why I’m so dumb. Fast forwarding (is that what they call it now) the next song is “This Cocaine Makes Me Feel Like I’m On This Song” by System of a Down. iPods are puzzling and awesome at the same time.
 
Yes, I said Limp Bizkit. Sorry ‘bout that, Fran.
 
OK, I should go get some work done. Yes, it’s the Wednesday before Thanksgiving which is well-known for two things: A) it’s the biggest drinking night of the year, or amateur night for the newly-minted power drinkers home from college, and B) NOT a day to take off from work if you are the corporate hell environment like me. See, it’s a rookie move to take the day off before a holiday because lots of people don’t show up, the boss is late or non-existent and now I’m getting fahking PAID to write this crap and post on the website. How do you like them apples?
 
By the way, it still makes me laugh when Mark does the Robin Williams, Good Will Hunting “It’s not your fault” line whenever I get pissed off.
 
Allright I’m really ending this now – iPod is segueing from “Just the Same” by Prong into “Eat My Dust (You Insensitive F@ck)” by Catherine Wheel, and I’m taking that as my cue … See you Saturday and don’t forget to get there early for VanderHammer and SUN JONES!!! Out.

That is correct.  We will be at the River Club in Scituate on November 26.  Mark it on your calendars, people, because you know you're gonna need a break.  I've told you all for years - after spending time with the family then waking up at 3AM to go wait in line for a Tickle Me Elmo, you're gonna need to get away from all that nonsense.  Yes, the "Holidays" are quickly closing in, and I for one am not happy about it.  What I am happy about is getting to bring the thunder with my pals in the band.  Hell yeah.  That's why you should get on over to the River Club.  Make sense?
 
Good times a couple of weeks back at the Beachcomber!  Love that place!
 
OK, so there's not a lot to say this week.  I'm writing to you guys from a hotel in Dallas, Texas that was built by one of the Busch family, meaning the Anheuser-Busch guys.  In fact there was an AB distributor conference when I got here.  As their biggest customer, they asked if I could deliver the keynote address but unfortunately I was previously engaged.  We'll see how the next few days go and if I have any good stories at the end ...
 
Take care dudes.  See you on the 26th!!!
 
Kind Regards,
Jeff
 
 

Yes, yes, yes we will be at the Beachcomber this Saturday night.  We haven't been there since the summer, but it was a great night, even if Ma came out and heckled me ... anyways, according to the Beachcomber website we'll be playing with a band called Elastic Impluse, apparently from the Scituate area ... I haven't heard them before, but hopefully they bring out all the hot South Shore chicks!
 
A warm and heartfelt thank you to everyone who came out to Breakaway in Clinton this past Saturday night, including the young lass who chipped a tooth either on the floor or JB's elbow.  Ouch.  Rock and roll is dangerous, people.  Wear a helmet and a mouthguard to prevent concussions.  Seriously though, it's all good fun, and we hate to see anybody getting hurt ... well, except for those jokers that like to wreck their sh!tbox cars on 128 at 6AM and cause me an extra hour to get to my soul-sucking job.  C'mon guy.  How bad is the economy in Rhode Island if I see your '82 Datsun cruising in Waltham at 5:45?  Can't you catch a shift at the Tim Horton's or something?  Or just get out of the fahking way?  All right, I'll stop with this theme ... everybody's commute/job/stuff sucks, I get it ...
 
So let's talk about something awesome.  Read a great book you should check out called "Everybody Loves Our Town" ... it's an oral history of the whole Seattle thing in the '90s, but it does a great job of shedding light on how contrived the "grunge" thing became in a short period of time, how none of these guys were "reluctant rock stars", and how Eddie Vedder is a doosh ... as if you need a book to figure that out ... just look at his recent ukelele tour that people actually bought tickets to see.  I know I've said it before, but I could bounce my nutbag off a snare drum and it would sound better than anything that guy has released in the last ten years ... Hey, at least he's not a rock star who gets divorced from the first wife to marry one 13 years younger or anything ... oh, wait a minute ... yeah, but he cares about the people, man, and the CAUSE, man, that's why they release records through independent labels and outlets like Universal Music Group and Target ... please.  Go take a crap on your golden toilet and shut the f#ck up.
 
Not sure where that came from ... bitter?  Me?  Yeah, probably ... by the way, if you've been hearing Pearl Jam's version of "Crown of Thorns" and you dig it, stop listening and get the original version by Mother Love Bone "Chloe Dancer/Crown of Thorns" ... much better sounding, less 500 pound Mike McCready wannabe Stevie Ray wankery going on ... singer's better, too, although he won't be coming down for breakfast ...
 
What else ... what else ... um, gotta go to the cultural mecca of central Florida next week - Orlando!  Hell yeah, nothing but back fat and butterfly tattoos ... might try to drink around the world at Epcot ... one of the last times I was there, the best night I had started with a couple of tinfoil-wrapped beers and a car ride to Universal with a guy who shouldn't have been driving.  We started with a nice fender bender into a guy who looked like Sisqo (yes, the Thong Song guy), ditched the car, ended up at some swanky club where a bunch of the local pro basketball players were hanging out, got the hell out of there, wound up at Rachel's Steakhouse which is actually a steakhouse but we didn't go to look at steaks, and had to pool our money at the end of the night to pay a limo driver $300 because DUI guy decided to ralph all over the back ... then accidentally stayed up til 6AM drinking beers and downloading shitty music from iTunes like "Southern Cross" by CrosbyStillsNashWhoGivesAFack ... good times?  Not really ...
 
Anyways, me and the boys are getting together tonight to get ready for Saturday ... and drink some beers and make fun of each other ... so be ready.  Get there early, stay late and don't forget to say hello!
 
Your pal,
Jeff
 
 

Saturday, October 15 at BreakAway Billiards in Clinton
 
and
 
Saturday, October 22 at the Beachcomber in Quincy
 
Yup, believe it or not we have some shows coming up in a few weeks.  Sorry it's been so long since I got my $h!t together and got something posted, but you gotta cut me some slack ...
 
Things are well at Clutch Grabwell Industries - Markobrother, Kenny, JB, Vandenberg and Pastavagoo are all doing well.  I hope you guys can say the same.  We haven't played much since the Plymouth Rock show when Duffzilla decided to turn into one of the Gallagher brothers - not the smashing watermelon ones, the primadonnas from Oasis - when the soundguy wasn't going to let him mix, but Mark came through and got everybody's ruffled feathers all soothed over so they could feel good about themselves again.  He's good like that and Duff made us sound great as always, but geez, enough with the ultimatums - it's like having another wife.  Love you Paul!
 
Weird playing a show with no beer and lots of kids and older people about, but it was a great time, and I drank some beers afterwards to make up for lost time.  Thank you to the nice words on the Facebook thing as well as the 6-year-old drummer video playing along to "Love is Alive" ... you know out of all the musicians in the band I was sure that I was the only one who could be substituted for a 6-year-old ... or a drunken monkey ... but you learn something new every day.
 
Traffic sucks in the state.  If everyone is unemployed, where the hell are they going every day?  Or maybe they haven't told their wives they've been laid off yet and are driving around, wasting time ... sometimes I wonder about these things ... "funny thing when you're unemployed, the weekends don't seem to mean quite as much" - Les Claypool.
 
Back to reality - gotta find another car.  The Durango R/T had a little fender bender and the insurance company is totalling it.  I want them to fix it.  I lose.  Pretty messed up since Mark's wheels got dooshed twice by DUIs and the insurance company fixed it every time.  I need a radiator and a bumper cover and it's "here's your check, minus deductible."  And no, I ain't gonna fix it myself.  Not since I made rocker panels on the band Suburban with spray foam and bondo ... I'm all done.
 
Hey George, if you're reading this, Andre needs some wheels cheap.  Howsabout a big drug-dealer BMW or Mercedes for $3000?  Can you make that happen?  Call me!
 
... it's a bummer, man.  I put a big trunkafunk stereo in there that made "Damage & Dust" sound like it was gonna rattle my beanbag onto the floorboards ... now I'm effed ...
 
OK, enough complaining, everyone's got it rough.  Luckily I get to kick out the jams and bring the thunder with the other five guys in a few weeks.  Get your ass out to one of these shows, man!  We're gonna drink beers and Indian leg wrestle and braid eachother's hair and ... I mean what?  You guys wanna get a pizza?
 
That's all.  Signing off.
 
JC