Ladies and gentlemen, worlds have collided. Much like when relationship George and friend George were brought together, or when an asteriod hit the Earth and killed all the dinosaurs, two coexisting, but apparently unrelated realities combined specifically for the reason of telling me that the Universe believes I am a failure. Allow me to explain ...
First, if you read this regularly, you have realized my fondness for things like cheap American beer, and my disdain for the corporate workplace that I dwell in for 10-14 hours a day. I know you too share my pain, which is why I write about it, so I can get a little sympathy when you come to a show on a Friday night - you think "hey, this guy got up at 5am to sell what's left of his soul to a faceless European conglomerate and now he's gonna bring the thunder ... I gotta buy him a beer!" Yes, people, that's it.
So, if you read the update from before Christmas, you know I also have a growing distaste for those that are involved in "function" business, be it employees at a hall, caterers, DJs, etc.
Well, last night those two entities decided to combine in one large lump of will-crushing hate.
See, we had a little corporate "function" at the office to celebrate the fact that a whole bunch of the sales weasels were in the office to bitch at me that they have "nothing new to sell", then tell me about the various cruises, vacations, houses and cars that they've purchased while hocking the crap I give them. Seriously, these dudes could spend their lives in their underbags answering emails and the phone and still make more than I ever will, but they never look at how lucky they are. Assholes. Anyways, the function is a "Casino Night", which made me laugh because Tony used to talk about making a GB band called the "Casino Knights". So, these meth-addled dudes come in to set up roulette and blackjack tables, and the caterer comes in to set up the Cool Ranch Dorito inspired cuisine, beer and wine. There's Bud Light, which is important, and some suitable backups including regular Bud and Rolling Rock.
To make a long story short, I have a couple of beers, three to be exact in the first hour and a half of the "fun". I decide I want number 4, so I mosey on up to the bar where the guy looks at me, ignores me and helps the guy behind me. This guy, Magic Mike, orders a Bud Light ...
So I say, "Hey, can you make that two please?"
The guy turns around, hands a beer to Magic Mike, and turns towards another guy behind me. So I say,
"Can I get a Bud Light, please?"
Then he says.
"You've already had three drinks in less than an hour and I'm not serving you anymore."
Except, he says it like this: "YOU'VE ALREADY HAD THREE DRINKS IN LESS THAN AN HOUR AND I'M NOT SERVING YOU ANYMORE."
So I said, "What?"
And he repeated himself ...
Louder ...
So, I took that as I sign and retreated to my
automobile where I apparently drove crapfaced all the way home. (By the way, I'm being sarcastic here and by no means endorsing the operation of automobiles, tractors, planes, trains, bicycles, email or musical instruments while under the influence of alcohol, so don't start bombarding me with hate mail - I already get enough of that). Best decision I've made in recent memory ...
Now, let me say that I have never been shut off before in my entire life. I've been thrown out, but never shut off.
(For example, I was in a Irish bar in NYC (big suprise there) where there were two dudes doing the acoustic guitar cover thing. They were asking for "shout out requests" so I started screaming "Play 'War Ensemble' by Slayer" and "Play 'Chopped in Half' by Obituary" . At this point, some little New York dude comes up to me and says "Hey, you need to shut up." At which point I say "Yeah and who are you?" And he says "I'm the owner" and calls the bouncer over who escorts me to the street. But I digress ...) Seriously, ask the other guys if you don't believe me ... the other thing you should remember is that I have an almost inhuman capacity to drink Bud Lights as they are one of my four food groups, along with Diet Pepsi, soup and shame.
Shutoff at the company party by an overweight caterer. Funny story? Not really. More embarrassing than anything else. 2010 is off to a great start people. Thanks.
In all seriousness, thank you to all the people who came down to Gilrein's for New Year's Eve. It was a pleasure to bring in 2010 with a great bunch of people. The last decade started with a war and ended with a recession, so let's see if we can get this one going better. I'm off to a bad start, but you guys can do it!
Later